i try to be good
but im bad

i try to smile
but im sad

i try to think
with an empty head
i subtract when i should try to add

i keep a good heart
that went bad

i try to think smart
but im mad

im twisted and used
neglected, abused
i've lost all that i once had

im lost in thoughts
that dont matter

it comes at a cost
while i shatter

i try to be perfect
but it doesnt seem worth it
hope has been lost, thereafter

if i am good
im still bad

if i just smile
im still sad

i sit and i think
i fill up my head
perfection and I do not add

i see my black heart
that has spoiled

my attempts to be smart
have been foiled

im twisted and used
hated and bruised
im stepped on because i am loyal

i have all these thoughts
in my mind

i now know the cost
to be blind

i will never be perfect
i will always be worthless
i move forward in the darkness of time

-ash
June2006